2017一分鐘英語笑話大全
英語笑話既能讓我們開心，也能讓我們學到不少英語知識，何樂而不為呢?今天我們就一起來看看簡短有翻譯英語笑話吧!
簡短有翻譯英語笑話(一)
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
杰克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓杰克繼續來年的學業。
“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”杰克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”
簡短有翻譯英語笑話(二)
JOY,it\'s timeto go to bed.
joy,該去睡覺了。{媽媽}
ok,Mum.i\'m coming!
哦，這就睡!{joy}
Have a sweet dream,joy.good night!
做個甜甜的夢哦，晚安!{媽媽}
good niggt,Mum!
晚安，媽媽!{joy}
Sweet dream...how?
甜甜的夢。。。。到底怎么才能做個甜甜的夢呢?{joy}
Bingo!
有了!{joy}
joy,wahay are you doing?
the candy will make your teeth ache!
joy,你怎么睡前還吃糖啊!會牙疼的!{媽媽}
(joy,舉著糖，看著媽媽。){joy}
But you told me to have a sweet dream...
不是你說要我做個甜甜的美夢的嗎。。。{joy}
。。。。。。。。{媽媽}
簡短有翻譯英語笑話(三)
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
誰更有禮貌?
一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。以下是小編為大家準備的英語笑話段子精選，一起來爆笑吧!
英語笑話段子精選(一)
Mum advice her daughter "if a boy touched ur breast say DON'T n if he touched ur vegi... say STOP IT. 1 week later.the girl told her mum." mum a boy touched my both then i said DON'T STOP IT"
媽媽對女兒說：“如果有人對你非禮，他如果摸你上面你就喊“不要.不要”，他如果摸你下面你就喊“停.停”，過了幾天，媽媽問女兒有沒有人對你非禮?女兒說有人對她非禮。媽媽說你喊了嗎，女兒說喊了。媽媽說你怎么喊的，女兒說：“那天那個人上下同時摸，我就喊“不要停，不要停”!
英語笑話段子精選(二)
"Doctor,"she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me.”
“醫生”她沖進屋后大聲說道。"我想讓你坦率地告訴我，我到底得了什么病。"
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,”he said at length, “l've just three things to telf you. First,your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, l'm an artist,the doctor lives downstairs."
他從頭到腳打量了她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的相貌將會變美。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。”
英語笑話段子精選(三)
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
湯姆的借口
老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到?
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"
笑話是幽默的載體，一個成功的笑話能流傳千古，聽者和講者都會感到快樂、欣喜，拍掌叫好!今天我們就一起來看看笑出腹肌英語笑話吧!
笑出腹肌英語笑話(一)
Egg Rolling.
滾彩蛋
In England, Germany and some other countries, children rolled eggs down hills on Easter morning, a game which has been connected to the rolling away of the rock from Jesus Christ's tomb when he was resurrected.在英格蘭，德國和其他一些國家，孩子們在復活節早上把蛋從山坡上滾下來。這是個和耶穌復活時滾走他墳墓上的石頭頭關系的游戲。 British settlers brought this custom to the New World.英國殖民者把這個習俗帶去了美洲。
笑出腹肌英語笑話(二)
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了?”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢?”
笑出腹肌英語笑話(三)
A woman was dissatisfied with her next-door neighbor. She told her friend that the neighbor was a poor housekeeper, her house was not clean and her children were dirty. Then she complained that one was almost disgraced by living near such a neighbor.
"Just look," she said, "at those clothes and those sheets and pillow cases she has hung outside all with black streaks up and down."
Her friend stepped to the window, raised it and looked out. Then he said: "It seems the clothes are very clean. The streaks that you see are on your own window."
有個女人對他的隔壁鄰居很不滿意，跟她的朋友說這個鄰居不是個好主婦，說她家里不干凈，孩子們都臟。還抱怨說和這樣的鄰居住得這么近幾乎是很不體面的。
她說：“你就看看吧，她掛在外面的那些衣服以及那些床單和枕頭套，上上下下都有一些黑斑紋。”
她的朋友走到窗前去，推開窗子看了看外面，然后說：“那些衣服看來非常干凈。你看到的那些斑紋都是你自己窗子上的。”
英語笑話既能讓我們快樂，也能讓我們學到英語知識，何樂而不為呢?今天我們就一起來看看英語笑話簡短搞笑吧!
英語笑話簡短搞笑(一)
A man walked into a doctor's examining room
一個人走進一家診所。
A:Put out your tongue.
伸出你的舌頭。
B:OK.
好的。
Then he put out his tongue and the doctor looked at it quickly.
于是他伸出舌頭，醫生很快地看了一下。
A:You can put your tongue back now. It's clear what's wrong with you.You need more exercise.
好吧，把舌頭伸回去吧，你的病因很明顯，你需要更多的運動。
B:But，doctor, I don't think...
但是，醫生，我不認為……
A:Don't tell me what you think，I am the doctor，not you，I know what you need.I see hundreds of people like you.None of them get any exercis e.They sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the evening.What you need is to walk quickly for at least twenty mi-nutes a day.
不要告訴我你認為怎么樣，我是醫生，不是你。我知道你需要什么。我看過數以百計像你這樣的病人。他們沒有一個人鍛煉過。他們整天坐在辦公室里，晚上就坐在電視機前。你所需要的就是每天至少快跑20分鐘。
B:Doctor.you don't understand.I...
醫生，你不知道，我……
A:I don't want to hear any excuses. You must find time for exercise.If you don't，you will get fat and have health problems when you are o1der.
我不想聽任何理由。你應該抽出時間來運動，如果你不鍛煉，那么當你老的時候，你就會變得很胖，并且有健康問題。
B:But I walk everyday.
但我每天都走路的。
A:Oh，yes，and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet from your home to the station，and a few more feet from the sta- lion to your office，and a few more feet fr om your office to a restaurant for much and back. That's not real walking. I'm talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day.
喔，是的。我知道那是一種怎樣的散步，你走幾英尺的路，從家到火車站，又走幾英尺從車站到辦公室，然后走幾英尺從辦公室到餐館中吃中飯再回來。那不是真正的散步。我所說的是每天在公園中散步20分鐘。
B:(Shouting)Will you listen to me. doctor t I am a mailman and I walk for seven hour every day.
(叫喊著)請聽我說，醫生!我是一名郵遞員，我每天得走7小時的路。
A:(Being silent for a moment) Put your tongue out again，will you?
(悶在那里半天不語)再把你的舌頭伸出來，行嗎?
英語笑話簡短搞笑(二)
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner.
Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything xiaogushi8.com remarked：“That's extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
“Not really,” came the reply. “I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
一個盲人領著一只導盲犬站在十字路口處等著過馬路。就在這個時候，導盲犬把腿一抬，開始往主人身上撒尿。
這個盲人十分平靜地從口袋里拿出了一塊餅干給狗吃。一個過路人剛好看到了這一切，很不解地說：“你的脾氣真好，尤其是那只狗都做了這樣的事情，你還給它餅干吃。”
“事實并非如此。”盲人回答說，“我只是想弄清楚它的嘴在哪里，這樣一來，我就可以踢它的屁股了。”
英語笑話簡短搞笑(三)
Tom’s Birthday
It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
“Who gave him thay thing?”answered Tom’s mother.
“Oh,”said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working during the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let’s find it.”
那天是湯姆五歲的生日，他從家人那里得到了很多不錯的禮物，其中有一件禮物是一只漂亮的大鼓。
“這是誰給他的呢?”湯姆媽媽問道。
“哦。”爸爸說。
當然，湯姆非常喜歡這個大鼓。雖然他敲鼓的聲音很難聽，但媽媽卻從不在意。湯姆爸爸因為白天工作，而且當爸爸回家時湯姆已經睡覺了，所以爸爸并沒有聽見過這些噪音。
但是，他們的一位鄰居非常不高興。幾天后的一個早上，當她又一次聽到湯姆的噪音時，她帶著鋒利的小刀來到湯姆家：”嘿，湯姆，你知道嗎你的鼓里有好東西，打開它，我們一起找找那好東西吧
笑一笑，十年少，笑話能愉悅我們的心情，以下是小編準備的簡單英語笑話爆笑，一起來爆笑吧!
簡單英語笑話爆笑(一)
Once God came up to me and granted me a wish. I asked for world peace. That's impossible, he said.
Then I asked him to give you brains. He said, Let me try world peace.
有一次上帝來到我面前答應了我一個愿望。我說我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他說。
然后我請讓你變聰明。他說：“你還是讓我試試讓世界和平吧。”
簡單英語笑話爆笑(二)
一位來北京旅游的英國人Blake先生爬長城時，口干舌燥，又累又渴。這時Blake 聽到導游提議去beer house(啤酒館),心想馬上可以喝到啤酒了,心里十分感激。可是后來導游卻把他帶到一個bear house(熊舍)，看熊表演，讓Blake大失所望。原來導游把bear[bare](熊)說成了beer[bere](啤酒)。
簡單英語笑話爆笑(三)
im’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault.
They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的歷史考試
舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎么樣?
母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個。
可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。
從笑話中學習英語，輕松自在，讓你充滿自信、左右逢源。今天我們就一起來看看短篇搞笑英語笑話大全吧!
短篇搞笑英語笑話大全(一)
Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了?”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆。”他回答說。“你真是一個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說. “再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢?”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
短篇搞笑英語笑話大全(二)
Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
開車
父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。
蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉了。
短篇搞笑英語笑話大全(三)
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。生活需要笑話，以下是小編為大家準備的，一起來爆笑精選簡短英語笑話爆笑吧!
精選簡短英語笑話爆笑(一)
和一只鸚鵡做愛
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes and was wearing bright, neon coloured clothes.
The old man just stared at him. The boy looked at the older man and said in a smart-tone, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
一個老人坐在商場里的一個長椅上,當一個留著刺猬頭的年輕人走過來,坐在他旁邊。男孩的頭發是黃色、綠色、橙色和紫色。他周圍化著黑色的妝,穿著明亮的霓虹燈彩色衣服。
老人只是盯著他看。男孩看了看老人,smart-tone說,“怎么了,老頭,你沒做過什么瘋狂的在你的生活中嗎?”
老人回答說:“是的,事實上,我有。有一次我喝醉了,和一只鸚鵡做愛。我在想如果你是我的兒子。”
精選簡短英語笑話爆笑(二)
r和l是分不清
一個德國人，法國人，及一個日本人要到礦場工作。老板是美國人，他對德國人說：“你體格不錯，負責苦力(labor)。” 對法國人說：“你說你是工程師，你就負責采礦的計劃(plan)。”而對日本人，他說：“你很瘦小，負責補給(supplies) 。”
然后隔周，他們開始上工。 幾天后，德國人及法國人發現日本人不見了，找了很久后他們決定還是先回頭工作。德國人開始工作的時候，日本人突然跳了出來，大聲叫道：“ Surprise!”
精選簡短英語笑話爆笑(三)
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”
笑話是幽默的載體，一個成功的笑話能流傳千古，聽者和講者都會感到快樂、欣喜，拍掌叫好!以下是小編為大家準備的笑破肚子英語笑話，一起來爆笑吧!
笑破肚子英語笑話(一)
火柴
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
不慎的時候只要一根火柴就足以引發森林大火，而想點燃一堆篝火卻需要整整一盒火柴，真納悶。
笑破肚子英語笑話(二)
the lowest grade
"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."
"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."
最低分
學生：“教授先生，我這次考試已經竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我不應該得零蛋。”
老師：“我也是。但是這已經是我能給的最低分了!”
笑破肚子英語笑話(三)
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的狹窄小道上散步。碰巧，他遇見了一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道:“我決不會給傻瓜讓路。”“可我會.”說完歌德退到了一邊。
從笑話中學習英語，輕松自在，讓你充滿自信、左右逢源。今天我們就一起來看看簡短好笑英語笑話吧!
簡短好笑英語笑話(一)
"A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機的肩膀，想問個問題。司機大叫起來，車也失去了控制，幾乎撞上一輛公車，還上了便道，在還差幾厘米就撞上商店櫥窗時終于停了下來。司機說：“伙計，別再這么干了。你把我嚇破膽了!”乘客抱歉地說，“我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣。” 司機說：“對不起，也不全是你的錯。今天是我第一天開出租，以前25年里我一直開殯葬車。”"
簡短好笑英語笑話(二)
Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."
基本原則
位于吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，他說：“我知道我的講課可能經常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看表我并不介意。不過我堅決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。”
簡短好笑英語笑話(三)
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹總是從她哥哥的小豬撲滿里“借錢”，她哥哥對此事感到很憤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天，表妹四處尋找，最后竟然在冰箱里發現了撲滿。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
撲滿里有張紙條：“親愛的妹妹，我希望你能夠理解，我的資產現在已被凍結。”
笑話是幽默的載體，一個成功的笑話能流傳千古，聽者和講者都會感到快樂、欣喜，拍掌叫好!以下是小編為大家準備的笑破肚子英語笑話，一起來爆笑吧!
笑破肚子英語笑話(一)
火柴
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
不慎的時候只要一根火柴就足以引發森林大火，而想點燃一堆篝火卻需要整整一盒火柴，真納悶。
笑破肚子英語笑話(二)
the lowest grade
"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."
"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."
最低分
學生：“教授先生，我這次考試已經竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我不應該得零蛋。”
老師：“我也是。但是這已經是我能給的最低分了!”
笑破肚子英語笑話(三)
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool." "But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的狹窄小道上散步。碰巧，他遇見了一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道:“我決不會給傻瓜讓路。”“可我會.”說完歌德退到了一邊。
英語笑話既能讓我們學到知識，也能讓我們開心，今天我們就一起來看看一分鐘精彩英語笑話吧!
一分鐘精彩英語笑話(一)
esent for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket(小盒式吊墜) as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave(雕刻，銘記) her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No, engrave it 'To my one and only love'. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送給女友的禮物
在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。
那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”
一分鐘精彩英語笑話(二)
t Knowing Her Well
Wife: Bill, the man in that house opposite always kisses his wife when he leaves in the morning and he kisses her again when he comes back in the evening. Why don't you do that too?
Husband: Well, I don't know her very well yet.
我跟她還不熟
妻子：比爾，住在對面那所房子的那個男人早上出門前總要吻一下妻子，晚上回來時再吻一下，你為什么不那樣做呢?
丈夫：哦，我跟她還不是很熟。
一分鐘精彩英語笑話(三)
o Smart for Dad
Young man, said the angry father from the head of stairs, didn't I hear the clock strike four when you brought my daughter in?
You did, admitted the boyfriend, it was going to strike eleven, but I grabbed it and held the gong so it wouldn't disturb you.
The father muttered, Wonder why I didn't think of that one in my courting days!
青出于藍
小伙子，父親在樓梯口板著臉說道，鬧鐘敲了四下，你才把我女兒帶回來，我沒聽錯吧?
是的，男孩承認說，鬧鐘本來是要敲11下，但我拽住了鐘擺，以免影響您。
父親低咕道：奇怪，我談戀愛時怎么沒想到這一著呢!
笑一笑，十年少，看一些笑話能愉悅我們的心情，今天我們就一起來看看精選爆笑英語笑話笑死人吧!
精選爆笑英語笑話笑死人(一)
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他短篇英語勵志小故事大全短篇英語勵志小故事大全。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。
喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
精選爆笑英語笑話笑死人(二)
I’m not ripe yet
Two jokes about madmen,There were two lunatics escaped from the insane asylum, one wearing red and another wearing green .they run and run,then climbed to a tree up. After a while , the red one jumped off the tree, then raised his head on up there, said: "Hey, ah, how do you not down?
The green one answered “No,no I’m not ripe yet”.
我還沒熟
有兩個神經病患者，一個紅衣一個綠衣，從病院里逃出來。兩人跑啊跑，后來爬到一棵樹上。 一會兒，其中紅衣的`人從樹上跳下來，滾啊滾的。 然后抬起頭對上面的人說：「喂～～你怎么還不下來啊? 上面的那個人回答他：「不行啊!我還沒有熟......」
精選爆笑英語笑話笑死人(三)
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五個月
第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫問。
“十八，長官。”約翰說。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”
你身邊真正的朋友，跟你美丑沒多大關系，跟你有錢沒錢沒多大關系，下面，陽光網小編給大家收集整理了英語幽默笑話樂翻天，一起來學學幽默，收集好人緣吧!
英語幽默笑話樂翻天(一)
1、我懂他的話
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在飯店吃飯的時候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因為他滿嘴食物在說話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責備道，“沒人明白你在說什么。” “他說他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過來問道：“你究竟如何明白他的話的呢?” “我是牙醫。”我丈夫解釋道。
2、我 可 以 回 家 了
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
一天，放學以后，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能回答我的第一個問題，我就準許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進教室時發現黑板已被亂涂，他非常生氣地問：“誰涂的? 請站起來。”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見。”
3、怎么把口香糖取出來呢
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?
怎么把口香糖取出來呢當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助于他們防止耳鳴。飛機著陸后，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖從耳朵里面取出來呢?”
4 可憐的丈夫
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man com#plained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的。
5 鳥窩與頭發
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢?”我姐姐問她。
“我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”那孩子回答說。
“那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎?”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。”
6、瞎子的判斷
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he
stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
從前有個瞎子。一天，他正在行路時踩著了一只正在睡覺的狗的腦袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一陣。這人又往前走，這回踩著的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起來。瞎子以為還是那條狗，驚詫地說：奇怪，這只狗可真夠長的。
7、我沒有看到另外一塊
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.
媽媽：約翰尼，我今天早上在櫥子里放了兩塊點心。現在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎?約翰尼：嗯，我想是因為里面太黑我沒看到另外那塊。
8、好客
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。
9、新老師
eorge com#es from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問。“媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”
10、鉛筆
he Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
在二十世紀六十年代，美國和蘇聯正處于太空競賽的白熱化階段，美國航空航天局決定研制一種圓珠筆，以便在太空艙重力為零的環境下仍然可以書寫。經過大量的研發工作，花費了大約一百萬美元的成本，太空筆終于研制出來了。那支筆果然可以在太空書寫，在回到地球后，作為一樣新奇的小玩意兒也確實吸引了一些目光。而面臨著同樣難題的蘇聯，則選擇了一支鉛筆。
英語幽默笑話樂翻天(二)
1 肚里就不會長蟲了!
A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the
water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。清水里蟲子安然無恙，結果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什么結論?" "恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會長蟲了!"
2 向別人做鬼臉
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently
reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child
I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and
replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐發現她的一名學生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責他。
這位主日學校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠都那么丑。" 博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"
3 哪個月有28天
Dad:?Tom,?please?tell?me,?which?month?has?28?days??Tom:?Every?month.?
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢??湯姆：每個月都有啊!
4、誰是世界上第一個男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一個老師問她的學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶著寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”這個男孩子說：“因為，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，并且是第一個深得民心的人。”這時，有一個年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認為誰是世界第一個男人?”男孩回答說：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因為歷史書上說，喬治華盛頓和一個寡婦結婚了，所以在他之前，當然還有一個男的啦。
5、沒想到那么貴
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時候被當場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當什么也沒發生，你看怎樣?”經理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”
會講笑話的人都是有好人緣的人，所以我們要多親近一些笑話大王們。現在小編也來當笑話大王啦!小編給大家收集整理了大笑英語笑話大全笑破你的肚子，一起來笑笑，收集好人緣吧!
大笑英語笑話大全笑破你的肚子1
True Dedication
好投入啊!
Mrs. Fortesque was getting more and more worried.
福特斯克太太越來越擔心，
Her husband had left for a round of golf early in the morning and by mid-afternoon he still wasn't home.
因為她先生一早出去打高爾夫球，到下午三四點都還沒回家，
Evening came and Mr.Fortesque still hadn't returned.
甚至到傍晚也還不見人影。
The lady was just about to call the police when she heard her husband's car pulling into the drive way,
福特斯克太太正要打電話報警就聽到她先生開車回來了。
Rushing outside, she told her husband, "Darling, I was so worried about you. What kept you?"
她沖出門外，向她先生說道："親愛的，我一整天都在擔心你，是什么事把你耽擱了?"
"Charlie had a heart attack on the fourth hole."
“查理在第四洞時心臟病發作。”
"Oh, my goodness, that's terrible!"
“喔，天哪，真可怕!”
"You're telling me! All day long it was shoot the ball, drag Charlie, shoot the ball, drag Charlie . . . . "
“那還用你說嗎!-整天我都一邊打球，一邊拉查理，一會兒打球，一會兒拖查理，……
大笑英語笑話大全笑破你的肚子2
Make a Wish
許個愿吧!
Every morning on his way to work, a business man passed a house where he saw a woman beating her looy on the head with a loaf of bread.
每天早晨一位商人在上班途中都會經過一戶人家，他總是看見一個女人用一條面包打她兒子的頭部。
But on this particular day, he noticed that she was hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake.
但今天卻比較特別，他發現她正用一塊巧克力蛋糕打他的頭。
Unable to restrain his curiosity, he rang the doorbell and the woman answere .
他忍不住好奇，便按了那戶人家的門鈴。女人聽了鈴聲，出來開門。
"Madam, I couldn't help but notice that every day you beat your child with a loaf of bread. . . "
“這位太太，每天經過這里我都忍不住會注意到你用一條面包打你兒子……”
"That's true ."
"那倒是不假……"
"And yet today I observed that you were hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. ',
"可是今天我卻看見你用一塊巧克力蛋糕打他。"
“Well, today's his birthday. ”
“今天是他生日嘛。”
大笑英語笑話大全笑破你的肚子3
A Precocious Child
一個早熟的小孩
When the door-to-door salesman rang the doorbell of the suburban home,
當挨家挨戶兜售東西的推銷員按了一幢郊區房子的門鈴后，
he was taken a back when a 10-year-old boy opened the door smoking a big cigar.
他嚇了一跳，開門的竟是一位嘴里叼著一根大雪茄的十歲男孩。
The salesman could only stammer out, "Er, is your mother at home?"
推銷員結結巴巴地問道，“哦，你媽媽在家嗎?”
Answered the boy, "What do you think?"
小男孩回答說，"你認為呢?"
大笑英語笑話大全笑破你的肚子4
A Remarkable Talent
一位了不起的天才
"Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.
“你相信我可以由鋼琴知道現在幾點鐘嗎?’一位老兄向他的朋友問道。
"You're kidding," replied his companion dubiously.
“別開玩笑了!”他的朋友懷疑地回答。
"I'll show you," said the first man as he sat down at the piano and started to hammer out a martial tune.
“那我試給你看，”說著那位老兄就坐在鋼琴前開始彈起一首進行曲。
Within seconds came a pounding on the wall, and an angry voice shouting,
幾秒鐘后墻壁傳來捶打聲，一個憤怒的聲音叫道：
"Hey, you son of a bitch, don’t you realize it,s three o’clock in the morning?"
“嘿!你他媽的，你知不知道現在是凌晨三點鐘?”
大笑英語笑話大全笑破你的肚子5
City Suckers
城里來的傻瓜
Two city folk were on a drive in the country, but got completely lost.
兩個城市里的老兄在一條鄉間小道上開車迷了路，
Pulling over next to an old farmer, they asked him if he knew the way back to the city.
他們把車停靠一位老農夫旁邊，問他知不知道回城里的路。
"Nope. Can't say that I do," replied the old hayseed.
“不，我不知道，”老農夫答道。
"Well, can you tell us how to get back to the main highway?"
“那你知道回到主要公路要怎么走嗎?’
"Nope. Don't know that, either. "
“不，我也不知道。”
"Well, you sure don't know much, do you?"
"喔，你好像不太熟悉這里的路況，是嗎?"
" Could be. . . but I ain't lost, neither."
“可以這么說，……可是我也不會迷路。”
總是有些時候莫名其妙的不開心，心情不佳的時候就會辦什么都不在狀態，你會這樣么?這里小編收集整理了爆笑英語小笑話帶翻譯，讓你的心情速速好起來。
爆笑英語小笑話帶翻譯一：A Boy with a Big Head大頭娃娃
A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."
"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."
"Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one-use your hat."
一個小男孩向他母親哭訴道：“他們都取笑我，說我腦袋大。” “別聽他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個很漂亮的腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買十斤土豆來。”
“購物袋在哪兒?”
“沒購物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
爆笑英語小笑話帶翻譯二：
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人們看見一個有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一只腳一直踏在街溝里，另一只腳踩在人行道上。一個碰見他的學生說： “晚安，老師。您怎么了?” “啊，”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時候還挺好的，可是現在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已經一瘸一拐走了半個小時了。”
爆笑英語小笑話帶翻譯三：
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。
喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
爆笑英語小笑話帶翻譯四：Wedding or Not
Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.
Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!
弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個終生單身漢。他曾追求過很多女孩，但“從不過熱----見好就收”。一天他突發奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時女友。
他回來即嘆道：“噓!謝天謝地幸虧我沒娶那些女人中的任何一個。如今她們都成寡婦了!”
笑話大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。小編你挑選了英語笑話帶翻譯大全笑破你的肚子，希望你會喜歡，一起來歡樂笑笑啊!
英語笑話帶翻譯大全笑破你的肚子一
On a rainy, miserable day, the funeral procession was climbing the steep hill to the cemetery, when suddenly the rear doors of the hearse broke open and the coffin slid out.
一個陰雨、悲慘的日子，有列送葬隊伍正沿著陡峭的山路向墓地前進，這時突然間靈車的后門破開，棺材滑出車外。
To the horror of the mourners, the casket hurtled down the hill, scattering motorists and pedestrians. At tremendous speed it leaped onto the sidewalk and barreled into a drugstore. It crashed into the counter and the lid flew open
令哀悼者大感驚恐的是，棺材滑下山坡，沖散了汽車和行人，接著它以高速沖上人行道并滾進一家藥房，最后棺材撞到了柜臺里面，蓋子則崩開了。
"For Heaven's sake," said the corpse to the astonished pharmacist, "give me something to stop this coffin. "
“看在老天的分上，”棺木中的尸體向驚魂未定的藥劑師說道:“給我一點東西把棺材停止下來。”
英語笑話帶翻譯大全笑破你的肚子二
我沒有服藥
A fellow who was rather slow on the uptake had been suffering from constipation, so the doctor provided him with some suppositories.
有位理解能力相當遲緩的老兄一直為便秘所苦，因此醫生給他一些利腸的栓劑。
A week later, the patient came back to tell the doctor that his condition had not improved.
一星期后病人回來告訴醫生，他的狀況尚未改進。
"I'm amazed," said the doctor. " Have you been taking the medicine I prescribed for you?"
“我覺得好奇怪，”醫生說。“你有沒有采用我開給你的藥方呢?”
"What do you think I've been doing, shoving it up my ass?"
“你以為我做什么呢?難道要我把它們都塞進屁股里嗎?”
"What do you think I've been doing, shoving it up my ass?"
“你以為我做什么呢?難道要我把它們都塞進屁股里嗎?”
英語笑話帶翻譯大全笑破你的肚子三
用臉去敲鐘
Quasimodo had just died, so the rector was looking for a new hunchback to ring the great bell of Notre Dame cathedral.But the first man who applied for the job was not only a hunchback, but armless as well.
鐘樓怪人剛去世，因此教區的神父正在找一位駝背的人來敲巴黎圣母院的大鐘。但是第一個去應征的不僅是駝背，而且連手也沒有。
'Of course, I'd like to give you the job," said the priest,"but how will you manage it?" "Never fear," replied the dauntless paraplegic. "Just watch;! "
“當然，我愿意給你這個工作機會，”神父說道，“可是你怎么去敲鐘呢?”“別怕，”勇敢的殘疾者答道。“待會看了你就知道。”
The two men went up to the bell tower and there the applicant took a run at the great bell, striking it with his face.The effect was magnificent, and the hunchback repeated his performance several times. However, he soon became dizzy and at the next run, missed the bell completely and went hurtling out of the bell tower to crash to his death in the courtyard below.
兩個人走上鐘樓，應征者用臉撞那個大鐘，響了好一陣子，效果良好。駝子又撞了幾次。可是不久他就覺得頭暈目眩，下一次竟然落了空，掉到鐘塔外，跌死在下面的庭院里。
The priest rushed down to the crumpled body, over which a policeman was already standing. "Do you know this fellow's name?" asked the cop. "No, but his face certainly rings a bell!"
神父沖到跌得皺成一團的尸體之處，有個警察已經站在那里。"你知道這個家伙的名字嗎"察問道。“不知道，但他的臉孔好熟喔!”
英語笑話帶翻譯大全笑破你的肚子四
介詞問題
A new student was just finding his way around Harvard University.
一位哈佛大學新生正在熟悉校園環境。
"Excuse me," he aske an upperclassman, "can you tell me where the library's at?"
“對不起，”他問一位高年級學長，“您能告訴我圖書館在哪里嗎?”
"What appalling diction," sneered the older student. "I can't imagine how you could have been admitted to Harvard.
“好可怕的用字喔!”那名學長嘲弄他道。
Don' t you know better than to end a sentence with a preposition?"
"不知道你老弟是怎么獲準進入哈佛的。難道你不知道介詞不要放在一個句子后面嗎?"
"OK. Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole?"
“好吧!你能告訴我圖書館在哪里嗎，驢蛋?”
幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。以下是小編為大家準備的笑破肚皮英語笑話3則，一起來爆笑吧!
笑破肚皮英語笑話(一)
打碎玻璃
It's His FaultBilly and Bobby were small boys.They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other. Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now.Go out and play in the garden—and be good.” “Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out. They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen.“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs.Allen's house.” Mrs.Allen was one of their neighbors. “He's a bad boy，”his mother said.“How did he break it?” “I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down.”
比利和波比都是小男孩。他們是兄弟，兩人經常打架。上個星期六，他們的媽媽對他們說：“我現在要做午飯了。去，到花園去玩吧，別淘氣。” “是，媽媽，”兩個男孩回答，然后他們就出去了。他們在花園里玩了半個小時，然后比利跑進了廚房。“媽媽，”他說：“波比打碎了艾倫太太家的窗玻璃。”艾倫太太是他們的鄰居。 “他是個壞孩子，”他的媽媽說。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的?” “我朝他扔了一塊石子，”比利回答：“他趕緊蹲下。”
笑破肚皮英語笑話(二)
時間對豬有什么意義
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一個城市里的游客來到一個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農莊是什么樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城里人看見一位農夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫回答說，"時間對豬有什么意義?"
笑破肚皮英語笑話(三)
The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
瑞士面條樹
spaghetti harvest1957: The respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."
1957年愚人節BBC新聞中說，瑞士的面條樹大豐收，農民都在樹上收割面條。大量觀眾上當受騙，打電話來咨詢面條樹的種植方法。BBC對此的回復是：把一根面條插在番茄醬里，然后就等著吧。
一個人的聰明才智會在幽默的談吐中閃光，并且會深深吸引他人。下面，小編給大家收集整理了小學生開心一刻英語笑話，增加幽默細胞，聰明的你一定會成為閃光點。
小學生開心一刻英語笑話【1】
New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
新發現
一個鄉下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走進一座大樓，看見一個歲數很大的矮胖女人邁進一個小房間。房間的門隨后關上，有幾個燈在閃亮。一會兒，門開了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。
鄉下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說：“我應該把我的老婆帶來!”
小學生開心一刻英語笑話【2】
"I no longer looker look like an old lady," said Sophia to her husband now busy solving a cross-word puzzle by the fire.
She had just been to her hairdresser and looked quite a different person.
The fellow lifted his head and muttered under his breath: "That's quite true, darling. You don't look like an old lady at all."
"And what do I look like?" insisted the lady blushing prettily.
"You look like an old gentleman."
“我看起來不再像個老太太了。”索菲亞對她正在火爐前玩填字游戲的丈夫說。
她剛去過美發店，現在看起來完全像變了一個人。
那個老家伙抬起頭嘟囔著說：“一點兒不錯，親愛的。你看起來一點也不像個老婦人。”
“那我看起來像什么呢?”這位女士害羞地問道。
“你看起來像個老紳士。”
小學生開心一刻英語笑話【3】
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.
士兵的高招
由于生意方面的事，羅賓遜先生得出趟門。因為有點緊急，他決定坐飛機。乘機旅行時，他喜歡靠窗坐，故而一登機，他就尋找一個靠窗的座位。他發現只有一個靠窗的座位還空著。在那空座位邊坐著一名士兵。令羅賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒有坐靠窗的位置。羅賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個空座位走去。
然而，等到了那兒，他看見座位上有則啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：“為保持裝載平衡，特預設該位置，謝謝合作。”羅賓遜先生還從來沒有在飛機上見過如此不同尋常的啟事。不過，他想飛機上一定裝了什么特別重的物品，于是他找了個不靠窗的位置。
又有兩三個乘客試圖坐在那個士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他們看到那則啟事就走開了。當快滿座時，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆走進機艙。一直在注意進艙旅客的那個士兵趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種辦法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。
笑話是幽默的載體，一個成功的笑話能流傳千古，聽者和講者都會感到快樂、欣喜，拍掌叫好!生活需要笑話，今天我們就一起來看看精彩一分鐘英語笑話吧!
精彩一分鐘英語笑話(一)
A young girl's likes
A young girl was asked by her mother, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The girl replied, "I want to be an old maid."
Her mother was surprised to hear that, and said, "Oh,dear, why?" The girl said, "I don't think I would like to kiss a man so many times and to tell him he handsome every time. I will get bored. I like to go shopping, so I'd rather earn money to buy things for myself."
一個少女的母親問她：“你長大后想干什么呀?”少女說：“我想做個老姑娘。”
她的母親聽到這話感到非常驚訝。她說：“啊，親愛的，這是為什么呀?”少女說：“我覺得我不會老是要去親一個男人，而且每次還要說他很帥。我會感到厭倦的。我喜歡逛商店，所以我寧愿去賺錢給自己買東西。”
精彩一分鐘英語笑話(二)
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一個城市里的游客來到一個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農莊是什么樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城里人看見一位農夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫 回答說，"時間對豬有什么意義?"
精彩一分鐘英語笑話(三)
JOY,it\'s timeto go to bed.
joy,該去睡覺了。{媽媽}
ok,Mum.i\'m coming!
哦，這就睡!{joy}
Have a sweet dream,joy.good night!
做個甜甜的夢哦，晚安!{媽媽}
good niggt,Mum!
晚安，媽媽!{joy}
Sweet dream...how?
甜甜的夢。。。。到底怎么才能做個甜甜的夢呢?{joy}
Bingo!
有了!{joy}
joy,wahay are you doing?
the candy will make your teeth ache!
joy,你怎么睡前還吃糖啊!會牙疼的!{媽媽}
(joy,舉著糖，看著媽媽。){joy}
But you told me to have a sweet dream...
不是你說要我做個甜甜的美夢的嗎。。。{joy}
。。。。。。。。{媽媽}
從笑話中學習英語，輕松自在，讓你充滿自信、左右逢源。今天我們就一起來看看笑翻天英語笑話吧!
笑翻天英語笑話(一)
誰是世界上第一個男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一個老師問她的學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶著寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”這個男孩子說：“因為，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，并且是第一個深得民心的人。”這時，有一個年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認為誰是世界第一個男人?”男孩回答說：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因為歷史書上說，喬治華盛頓和一個寡婦結婚了，所以在他之前，當然還有一個男的啦。”
笑翻天英語笑話(二)
他們都在這里
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"
典獄長對獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因為每逢周末的探訪日，大多數囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一個探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當然有，典獄長，只不過他們全都在這里面!”
笑翻天英語笑話(三)
沒想到那么貴
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時候被當場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當什么也沒發生，你看怎樣?”經理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”
幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。今天我們就一起來看看精選一分鐘英語笑話吧!
精選一分鐘英語笑話(一)
I Understand Him我懂他的話
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在飯店吃飯的時候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因為他滿嘴食物在說話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責備道，“沒人明白你在說什么。” “他說他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過來問道：“你究竟如何明白他的話的呢?” “我是牙醫。”我丈夫解釋道。
精選一分鐘英語笑話(二)
我可以回家了
Now i can go home
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
我 可 以 回 家 了
一天，放學以后，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能回答我的第一個問題，我就準許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進教室時發現黑板已被亂涂，他非常生氣地問：“誰涂的? 請站起來。”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見。”
精選一分鐘英語笑話(三)
怎么把口香糖取出來呢
How do I get the gum out? Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?
怎么把口香糖取出來呢當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助于他們防止耳鳴。飛機著陸后，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖從耳朵里面取出來呢?”
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